My brain hurts

I was late to work this morning because traffic is miserably unpredictable. I did the prudent thing and sent my "boss" (by boss I mean the guy who supposedly babysits me but I really don't have a boss) an email guesstimating what time I would arrive. The following is the exchange.

Me, 5:58 AM to Bertram:
I will be in today around 9:30.

Bertram, 8:35 AM to Me:
Is there a reason?

Me, 8:55 AM to Bertram:
1) I left richmond at 4am to get in on time
2) Moving at 10mph blows

3) I'm less than ten miles away now but it will still take a while because traffic flares up around here like a bad herpes breakout

4) The technology for teleportation doesn't exist yet

Bertram, 8:59 AM to Me:
You didn't provide proof of the teleportation issue.

Me, 9:29 AM to Bertram:

A traffic essay on the proof teleportation doesn't exist

- the global economy hasn't collapsed. With no need for transportation of any kind, we would no longer have any need for the following industries: automotive, roadway construction, shipping, airline industry, and all ancillary businesses associated (callahan auto parts, the michelin man, the inmates in jail that stamp your license plates, the TSA buttholes, hotels motels holiday inns, etc). State troopers nationwide would be out of work

- demand for petroleum products would evaporate almost immediately. Furthermore real estate values would shift dramatically; there would be no need to live in a particular area. States like montana would see massive population growth as land with natural beauty would be gobbled up as it wouldn't make any difference that it was in the BF.

- Banks would be robbed regularly as (presumably) no measure of security could keep me from appearing inside the vault. Privacy would cease to exist, anyone could instantly pop in on you. Citizenship would be useless as border controls wouldn't make a difference at all. Drugs could flow freely between countries. Some jackass would probably send a bomb somewhere important.

- I am not there yet.

This paper makes the assumptions that teleportation would presumably require a finite quantity of energy and would be affordable to a layman. If it were regulated and perchance structured in such a way that there were "stations" and it wasn't available on a whim it could possibly exist in tandem with the aforementioned industries. I should also note that while it's technically not provable that teleportation doesn't exist, its certainly isn't currently viable or available. Someone may indeed have been taken out by big oil to prevent it from going mainstream.

I would expect, however, that tourism would see a sizable jump in revenue numbers. Not that it would matter, over 65% of the population wouldn't have a job.

Bertram, 10:15 AM to Me (in person, as I did eventually arrive; moderately jovial but with that smacking tone of uneasy intimidation):

Was not expecting that answer. You caught me off guard.

Me, 10:16 AM to Bertram (in Ray Bans because I'm living in the land of the uncool this morning):

I've ... thought about it ... before. Caught you off guard eh? I'm known to do that.

Bertram backs away slowly.

I hate this place.
And yes, I was texting while driving.